When our lives get a little hectic we sometimes have a tendency to drift away from people in our lives that have a positive influence on us. This isolation sometimes leaves us feeling lonely, empty and lowers our satisfaction of life. It is ironic how when we get in trouble from hanging around with the wrong crowd, we also seem to spend less time with the people that influence us positively. Just ask anyone who has just got out of prison and they will tell you how they spent more time with negative people (and ended up getting in trouble) and less and less time with positive people. The same can be said of family or friendships. A falling out can often leave you with feelings of regret and a desire to somehow rekindle the relationship.
One challenge many inmates on parole have is how to re-establish relationships with those people they’ve neglected or drifted away from but was a positive influence. This is a challenge we should all strive to undertake. Breaking away from negative influences and surrounding yourself with positive resources is one of the most cited interventions in positive psychology resulting in an increase in your happiness levels as well as keeping you out of trouble.
An exercise I enjoy giving out to parolees is writing a gratitude letter. They are instructed to identify someone in their lives that have had a positive influence on them but that they have neglected or cast aside due to their criminal activities and incarceration. They are then asked to write a one to two page gratitude letter. In this letter, they write down how the identified person has had a positive influence on them and ultimately thank them for being in their life. The letter ends by them expressing a desire to re-establish a relationship with them.
The next step involves contacting the person concerned and setting up a time to meet. At this meeting, the letter is read to the intended person and then given to them.
This exercise usually generates very positive results. In fact, research by Martin Seligman showed that those who wrote, read and gave the gratitude letter showed increases in happiness and were less depressed for up to one month after the gratitude intervention.
There are many different reasons to write a gratitude letter. In my example with the inmates, I use this intervention as a means to re-establish positive relationships but it can also be used to solidify existing relationships. In fact, you don’t really need a reason to tell someone you are grateful for having them in your life. Just go out there and say “thank you”.